I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
