weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
