I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
