I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
