Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
