My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
