i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
