Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
