hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
