College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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