proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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