Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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