While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
