So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
