Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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