If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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