the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
