I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
