The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
