My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
