If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
