Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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