Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
