Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
