even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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