he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
