just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
