I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just want to make out with him forever
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
