dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
