Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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