Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
