i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
