How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
