i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
