You're my little dorito
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
