Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Boobs are out for the taking
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
