This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
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