i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
