wrigley field is MILF paradise
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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