the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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