You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
