sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
God, I missed his penis.
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