guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
