My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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