How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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