I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
