don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
