I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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