Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
