I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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