well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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