Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
